C.A.R.E. 9 September 20206 - Conviction

 Today's focus word is: CONVICTION

The words from the C.A.R.E. model are:CONVICTION

 C: Conviction September 9, 2026

Gratitude for the ability to be able to reflect and center.

Conviction is the whole thing! What I am doing every day to get up, center myself by reading my Morning Devotions. Then transition to re-reading one of the 8 factors of the Path. 

Wise Intention is the longest section of each step of the path. Intention sets the tone. Conviction is how you execute in your daily life. As long as I do this every day, eventually I will have that moral framework as the foundation for how my mind wakes up every day. 

Beyond my addiction to alcohol recovery, I am starting a process to unplug as much as I can. 

External distractions are at an all-time high in the world. 

There is a lot of chaos...but I am just going to center on what I can control. 

All screens go off at 10 pm and then I read my new best friend, NEW PRINCIPLEs OF POLITICAL ECONOMY. Italian/French Economist - Sismondi

New as in written in the 1800's. 

New as in it has philosophies that the current capitalist chooses to ignore and have led us all the brink or close to it in America. I think China will end up adopting this. How can I study this. 

Take C.A.R.E. 

C.A.R.E. - 8 September 2026

 Focus for Today: 

The words from the C.A.R.E. model are: EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

 E. - Emotional Awareness: September 8, 2026

Gratitude for the ability to be able to reflect and center

The opportunity to make good or harmful decisions are evident every minute of every day. I received a note from another patient I was in rehab with that said; 

"Think about this every day!

Is it smart? 

Is it safe?" 

Those are great words to live by, and much effort goes into that simple maxim if you truly intend to live that way. 

 In that vein of thought, I think emotional awareness is about (for me) understanding my limitations with my addiction. Life is hard right now and it makes it even more challenging not to want to drink. That was my go-to for dealing with pretty much anything. In order to not relapse in a way that ruins what I have left; I am working on this daily writing, working out and recovery. 

Recovery is multi-faceted but ongoing. 

I want to write more but I have time constraints, and I honestly just need to be about it and not write about it. But I will continue to write and read good, honest content where I consume information. I just want to be a better person. 

As this evolves, I want to write what the words from Recovery Dharma mean to me. 

This is ultimately about the path to recovery and right living so the path has 3 groups:

The Wisdom Group

Wise Understanding and Wise Intention

Wise Understanding is where I think I can spend a lot of time and apply many words in the model. Not sure I will do that, but it is an option. 

Having a better understanding of not just alcohol triggers but life and emotional control triggers. Being cool for lack of a better word. Taking deep breaths, writing, jotting down notes. 

Think through as many options as I can to deal with issues that normally send my mind spiraling. Cement this intent to use what I have been given to the best most efficient ends for mental clarity as possibilities. What have I been given to help? This...I write and it does help just to empty my mind and give myself a focus to keep at the top of my mind. 

If it is not smart and not safe then I won't do it unless there is no alternative. 

SHARING: Insight on what is wrong with America and the World in General

 https://cbwrong.blogspot.com/2026/09/im-73-years-old-and-ive-lived-long.html?m=1

https://cbwrong.blogspot.com/2026/09/im-73-years-old-and-ive-lived-long.html?m=1

Almost every word in this article is exactly how I have felt for the last 5 years or so. No one cares. This man articulated everything. 

Read this and then look at what you are doing with C.A.R.E. and just keep doing it. 

 

C. A. R. E. - 2 September 2026

 Focus for today: 

The word out of the C.A.R.E. model is ...RESPONSIBILITY    

 R. - Responsibility: September 2, 2026

Gratitude for second, third and fourth chances. 

Each of these words carry a weight of their own. This is why I want to use these focus words in the C.A.R.E. list as guidepost. Responsibility is a heavy word in that it ends up being the whole of life in some respects. Our individual responsibility is to take whatever we have learned and apply it daily. This application takes the form of wherever you are in your life. Daily reflections like what I am doing by writing down these focus areas. All part of whatever responsibilities you have. My duties and obligations. 

I have chosen specific paths in life, and I have to honor those choices. I have never truly honored my choices. The part that is so hard, but necessary is that I can sit here and pontificate in writing, all these essential things I should be doing but I have failed to execute. Not all the time. I think we act in a positive way more times than not, but it is the setting of the intention to do so at all times that is difficult. I want to fulfill my responsibilities involuntarily; like breathing. I have the knowledge, skill and ability, so just act accordingly. With C.A.R.E. 

C. A. R. E. - 28 August 2026

 Focus for today: 

The word out of the C.A.R.E. model is ...EQUANIMITY

 E. - Equanimity: August 28, 2026

Gratitude is always here but I plan to type the word out every time I post something. 

I never heard of equanimity in the context of human action. My vocabulary just did not extend to this word, but I have found it to be a word full of meaning for recovery. In this daily exercise the purpose is to give me a foundation for working through my recovery to resist craving alcohol, but also how to set and structure my life. 

Equanimity is a key almost crucial ingredient. Equanimity is one component of living with "Wise Intention". The focus here is conduct yourself in a way that cultivates a lack of self centeredness. Be generous, don't focus on yourself. Clearly there are issues you have to address everyday but in interaction with others the focus needs to be gracious. Be patient. 

Equanimity is a heart practice of Buddhism. I have to make a conscious effort to make sure that my daily intentions are pure. Not that I let the world take advantage of me, but that I look for ways to treat others well, knowing that will return to me in a favorable way eventually. 

Many old adages apply here but I think one that is central is that you reap what you sow. If you plan discord, then discord will grow. If you intentionally look to plant love, respect and determination to be fair, then karma will reward you. 

I'm writing this to someday translate into a book, so I won't always get my points out as coherent as I'd like. My plan is to have these daily writings make of the crux of the book.

Another use could be, if anyone reads this, is to have a community of people who want to try this C.A.R.E model and we all write about its impact and share insights and help each other be better. 

Stay off traditional social media for a change and collaborate on something healthier and sustainable. 

One comment on Current Events (For Today)

AI the savior or boogeyman? Who knows, I love what you can do with all the free stuff I've messed with. I get the concerns but this article describes in a real way how this technology is being safely developed. 

The issue that bothers me the most is the insistence on demonizing China. China is doing exactly what we wanted them to do minus a shift to some version of democracy. So the fuck what! China studied Europe and the United States in 1978 and 1979 after coming out of the horror years of Mao. Now 40+ years later, China is a capitalist economic nuclear reactor. Just growing with no end in sight BECAUSE....China is working aggressively with all the African countries that the United States only wants to put a military base in. China has assumed the role of the world's lone super power because the United States doesn't want to lead anything anymore. That is all I will say about that last bit today but unless I see 80 percent of the electorate vote Democrat in these elections then I know that ultimately the Trump MAGA, Project 2025 folks will get everything they want. 

I hope Canada will allow me to immigrate? Anyway, good article below. 

Anthropic's Road to a $1 Trillion IPO | Claude & AI Growth

I am fortunate to have come across this article posted above. It gives me hope in a real way. Read this because in a nutshell, this describes a proper way for a major multi-trillion-dollar AI enterprise to run. Anthropic is registered as a Public Benefit Corporation and cannot be sued by aggressive shareholders into shitty decisions that hurt the public. Most of that last sentence is lifted directly from this article and this constitutes my citation of that material. 

The Main Reason for this Journal

 On the blog page I have a rubric of sorts I came up with during my first stay in jail last year. 

Then I went further and went to in patient rehab and worked on this idea more. 

The focus is on my recovery, but it can be anyone's. I feel the need to document everything I've been thinking about for the last 18 months. These truths about living my life with much more purpose and meaning have helped me get to a place where I finally feel like I have my own life. 

I began to develop my own thesis on what is ultimately wrong with America in general and it's that people just do not care anymore. It is frightening at times to see just how close the United States is to hurtling either itself or some major part of the world into a deep abiding economic and climate stressed depression. 

Since I have my own internal demons to conquer, I decided to develop a way for me to focus myself on staying sober and acting more intentionally every day. C. A. R. E. 

Each letter is associated with words of positive affirmation. 

Each morning (preferably) I will write a letter; i.e., A and a positive affirmation such as "Atonement". That will be my focus for the day. To pray, to seek and or to work on something that is directly related to working to be better than my former self. 

That is it for now. Pick a different letter each day and an associated positive word and focus everyday on something related. Also...take a look at a book called Recovery Dharma. 

Copied here is another thing I do daily (most of the time) and that is focus on the core principles of Buddhist mindset for daily life. 

FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS AND THE EIGHT-FOLD PATH

I.                THERE IS SUFFERING, I COMMIT TO UNDERSTANDING THE TRUTH OF SUFFERING.

II.              THERE IS CAUSE OF SUFFERING, I COMMIT TO UNDERSTANDING CRAVING LEADS TO SUFFERING.

III.            THERE IS AN END TO SUFFERING, I COMMIT TO UNDERSTANDING AND EXPERIENCING THAT LESS CRAVING LEADS TO LESS SUFFERING.

IV.            THERE IS A PATH THAT LEADS TO THE END OF SUFFERING, I COMMIT TO CULTIVATING THE PATH.

EIGHT-FOLD PATH

1.       WISE UNDERSTANDING

2.       WISE INTENTION

3.       WISE SPEECH

4.       WISE ACTION

5.       WISE LIVELIHOOD

6.       WISE EFFORT

7.       WISE MINDFULNESS

8.       WISE CONCENTRATION

In the Recovery Dharma book; each element is explained and shows you the relationship to a mindset change required in addiction recovery. 

I will endeavor to persevere' [credit to the movie, The Outlaw Josey Wales]

I think I read somewhere once...

 I couldn't think of anything to write as a headline or anything. In my lifetime; I don't recall shit around the world everywhere just looking so bleak. It is a dichotomy though! (i actually got to use that word in something i am writing and it fits)

Afghanistan; where the hell to start with that one? I was listening to NPR the other day and the person on the call or interview suggested the US involvement in Afghanistan pre-dated the Soviet Invasion? I need to validate or at least run down some of the assumptions he made but I do know the US has been directly involved since at least before the Soviets invaded. Not sure in what capacity though and it changes nothing about my feelings on the current situation. 

Could not have chosen a worst course of action to leave the country. Horrific and sickening to watch this end this way. There is so much to unpack, study, digest, internalize and then make fundamental change to how we conduct foreign policy. I could add a video here of the C-17 plane or the bombing in Kabul the other day but I just won't keep adding to the insanity. We need to change or this is the beginning of the end for America. Something about the 21st century and that is...everything is sped up. Technology and the way we use it have sped up every cycle you can think. The news cycle has been on hyperdrive for over a decade now and that means situations like this can be absorbed and forgotten, when we need to pause and really capture what the fuck happened and institute change. 

This morning for instance on the drivel they call news; NBC4 in Washington DC decides that Sunday morning at 6am is the time to show the photos of the Marines that died. Sadistic mothafucka's. We have not even fully withdrawn from the place; the bodies have not been properly laid to rest, and now at the very beginning of our morning these retarded ratings hounds disrespect these men and women. I don't need to see their photos to understand the sacrifice they made. This is the sick shit we have to deal with. Then NBC4 justed move on the next segment; talking about whatever the fuck came up next. 

Had to get that shit off my chest. This is fucking therapy for me at this moment. I wish I could walk around like other people (don't want to put a % because i have no idea what other people think) I have observed who just seemingly don't give a fuck. Maybe everyone is doing what I am doing and writing all this down to get it out of their system. When you think about it; that is what twitter and all those apps let people do. Get shit out; express themselves. There are downsides to those apps and websites for sure. Humans always seem to figure out a way to fuck shit up and make it creepy and shady but...expression can help for most of us. 

Medical Equipment for the Under Served

During a recent visit to see my Ostomy nurse. I found out some information that has spurred an idea in my mind to set up a non-profit organization to assist the under insured. I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colo-rectal cancer in Aug 2019. I have subsequently under gone chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery. After surgery; I've worn an illeostomy bag for the last 10 weeks. I am fortunate that my ostomy will be reversed; so, I will not need to order supplies long term. If this were not the case and my ostomy was permanent; I am equally fortunate to have insurance (military retiree) that would cover almost all cost associated with said equipment and or supplies. 
My concern going forward are those people who have to face life with a bowel diversion without the resources to adequately supply or care for themselves. I recently found out about two volunteers that work out of a hospital near my home that operate a free Ostomy/Medical supply closet. The cancer center at this hospital allows the volunteers to use excess office space to store donated supplies. Once a week the volunteers are available for anyone to walk-in and obtain whatever supplies are available. This is currently the only location I'm aware that offers this type of service. The volunteers that helped me the other day told there is another hospital north of where I live that would like to set up a similar ability to help the under insured in their area. 
I plan to work with the two volunteers I met to assist them with 1) spreading the word; and 2) organization and communication via the internet, and social media to more effectively advertise for the types of supplies that are sorely needed. After my surgery I knew I wanted to do something to help others and this effort looks like a great way to grow a desperately needed service in this and other communities in the state of Virginia. 

Life Journey: Flipping the Page

 This time last year I was returning from Australia. I knew something was wrong with me and I was hoping it wasn't cancer but in my heart I knew it was. My father had cancer; fought it 8 years and ultimately passed. I had symptoms that I was stubbornly ignoring. I was not in a good place mentally, spiritually or physically. I had let myself be dominated by alcohol and tobacco. Deluding myself that I was functional (sometimes highly so) and I just kept justifying bad habits. 

I'm fortunate to be here and determined to get the most out of the rest of my time however long that is.

I know exactly what I need to do and it all about just doing it. 

Everyday; something positive. Everyday accomplish something. Setting goals. Re-establishing my personal mission statement for how I conduct my life. Nothing sappy; just hard work. Time to get it. 

Winning the Fight: Post Surgery 16 Days

I titled this post Winning the Fight because as 3 May 2020 my pathology report after all the tissue removed from my body was analyzed. NO CANCER! No declaration of remission as of yet from my oncologist, but I will chalk this up to 1 Craig vs 0 Cancer. Ten long months of treatment, surgery and massive amounts of anxiety, sprinkled with enough positive thoughts and I have the outcome that everyone hopes for. My father fought colon cancer for 8 long years. I knew and know what is potentially ahead of me. 

Right now; I am on the right side of this by a country mile. My fathers initial pathology was not good news. I had the good fortune of going on a regime that started with systemic chemo therapy drip every two weeks, a pump to where at home that delivered more drugs, and then 5 weeks of radiation therapy. This served to kill the tumor at the site and prevent spread into surrounding lymph nodes. I am forever grateful to the team of people who administered and monitored this treatment since September 2019. 

My post surgery recovery stage is now ongoing. This the first day that felt I could sit without the distraction of pain and pain meds and write anything down. I don't possess that dogged determination to have documented all my experiences while in the hospital. It was quite an ordeal. I only wish I had taken my own advice and the advice of the surgeon and worked out more physically before the procedure. If I would have committed to at least 50 push ups and some number of body weight squats the aftermath would have been more tolerable. It is amazing how rapidly your body weakens after surgery. Although my procedure was lapryscopic with four small incisions and one medium 4 inch incision; it was still surgery and it took a lot out of me. 

Virtually every movement you make involves your core at some level. Even typing this now I feel a certain balance that is maintained even in a minute level by muscle fibers in my abs. This made every movement felt as I started to get up and around. 

The other part that was difficult was the lack of visitation by anyone. My wife and kids could not visit for the seven days I was in the hospital. In hindsight the only thing anyone could have done was simply be there and that would have been great but not wholly necessary. I tend to do fine alone. I have the ability to be alone and not be bothered by it. This was a different animal though. It is one thing to be alone when you are healthy and can fill voids in time with some kind of activity; but a whole different beasts when you are compromised and could at some times actually benefit from someone being close by to share in the pain and promise of what comes next. 

So what comes next? I don't know...I will get my strength back some time in the next month or so. When that time comes; what will I do with it? TBD 

Musings: Covid; cancer; whatever

Who knows what enters into the mind of a man at 10:57pm east coast time? It is COVID baby! I have no idea what I'm talking about right now. Is that bad? NO...no one has any idea what they are talking about right now.
I want philosophy. I want to think about us.

Musings: COVID, Cancer, Life

Avoiding the news and teleworking. Fortunately I have a job that can actually be done for the most part from home. This is actually a good test case for proving to skeptics that many professional folks working in Government specifically; can work from home and be productive. I know many will take advantage of this and be not productive but that is not an indictment on everyone. There are just as many people who avoid work while on the job so telework won't upset that existing dynamic IMO.
Since I'm inside of 20 days till surgery I have to double down on getting mentally and physically ready for this surgery. This is the worst time in my life to have to get this procedure done. I am pretty sure I have wrote those words already in a previous post.
Anyway...

I have much more time to explore information available to people to assist with becoming more productive; more spiritual; more educated, etc. I'm going to post some video's I've been watching. I don't agree with everything stated by these folks but it is still worth sharing. I find that you can't dismiss everything a certain person has a strong opinion on. There is a lot of good in people in general; even if they have specific personal prejudices. I know it can be dangerous to espouse; lets say anti-gay agendas and it can be extremely unfair to teach these kinds of ideologies to youth. Having said that...there are other positives life skills that can be gleaned if you sift through the personal biases of some folks. Anyway judge for yourself if you run across this blog. I am saving this ultimately for myself; to maybe one day consolidate all this in a book or something. We shall see how this evolves.

Even though I have slipped in my promise to not drink; I have learned a valuable lesson. There really isn't anything good coming from drinking alcohol. At least for me. Do what you feel but I will and should be able to document all the good I can do without alcohol in my life for the next 12-14 weeks. Looking forward myself to what I am able to accomplish. I have several personal and job related projects I have to complete in that timeframe and I plan to chart progress here and then revisit later to see how I did after no alcohol at all is in my system.

COVID life

I knew going into this I wouldn't keep up the streak. I have never stayed the course on anything in my life. No reason to think it would change now. I did get really busy at work before all this covid shit hit us all in the mouth though. Now that I'm home everyday and will be for the next 3 to 4 months; maybe i will be more consistent. To be honest; typing is uncomfortable with this tingling/numbness in my fingers. What have ya'll been up to? I'm not sober! I will have to be post surgery though. Hard to stop something that has been holding you up for years.
I been watching the news like the rest of the world but I stopped with the staying glued to every word because it is stress I don't need. Back to reading now.
So what kind of shit do I read?
Archive.org
Go to that site; normally reserved for academics, students etc. Now free library for all due to the 'ronavirus'. Reading a textual criticism book about all the misquotations from what we all think we know as the Bible. I have grown into being a gnostic/atheist. I just refuse to accept the god of this world as handed down through millenia by men. I don't believe in eternal damnation, i.e, people burning in a lake of fire for trillions of years because we or I don't believe in Jesus. I personally think we die and just keep coming back. Life is long and hard for most and I refuse to believe a supernatural being has set up a hard and fast rule that would end up with the vast majority of motherfucka's dying and going to hell. Just can't square it up!
I have cancer surgery set up for 27 April 20...
We'll see if 'ronavirus' upsets that plan; if not i'm going under the knife on that day and then everything changes forever. Top 1/3 of my rectum is getting cut out. I don't know what kind of plumbing I will have left to process waste after all that. Will be compromised for the rest of my earthly life. Nothing else to say today. Stay well...don't know who I'm talking to but I guess it don't matter since this is my journal or writings for me. Later!

Radiation Complete

I'll post a picture of the certificate one of these days. It'll be easier than buying a frame and hanging it on my wall in the house and it will live forever in the ether that is the interweb. Now 20 Feb 20 or 20/02/2020...19 days sober. Still reading from the scrolls. Although radiation is over; I still have this neuropathy in my hands and feet. Sucks but bearable. I'm going to try and just get through it because I want to limit how much medication I'm taking between now and my surgery.
Not much to say...just wanted to get something in.

16 February 2020 Daily or Weekly or Monthly

After such a long absence and inability to stick to a schedule; i feel pretty good that I'm on here two days in a row. Like I mentioned yesterday; I'm starting the reading of the scrolls as prescribed in the OG Mandino book, The Greatest Salesman in the World. I read it 25+ years ago when my brother first gave me the paperback book but never in the manner it is intended to be read. I already know it is showing dividends. Matter of fact; I will be reading the lst scroll again for the mid-day after I post this. I don't have much to say right now. I don't believe I always need to have much to say. This is about routine and positive progress for me. Still no alcohol. Last night I really wanted to drink some wine. It would be simple to cheat...there is a 7-eleven two miles from my house. They sell small cartons and if I really wanted to; I could make any excuse to leave and buy a carton and drink. Done it many times over the last ten years. What is keeping me from doing it again? l don't really know. It is a combination of things. First is this blog! Very important to be honest with myself right now and have something to do that is affirming my life path forward.
On to other things. I am always on the search for nutritious foods now. I will be trying Baobab fruit. Based on what I read yesterday; the fruit is broken down to a powder and is packed with all sorts of anti-oxidants and other stuff that is supposed to be really good for you. It's also from Africa and right now I feel that since that is my ancestral heritage, I should be focusing on consuming foods and nutrients from that continent. The Rooibos herb drink that has been so good for me these last 8 months is from Africa. Once I get this Baobab powder into my daily routine; I'll post what I'm feeling and how it is affecting me. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/306445#diet
First 24 hours of uninstalling Twitter. So much more relaxed. One less mind sucking app to interrupt my forward progress. After I'm done with this radiation treatment and start to focus on the next step which is surgery. I will start working out again and will post stuff about my routine that will last from February 20, 2020 until my surgery that will be about the middle of May 2020 or thereabouts. I really want to lose weight. I am generally pretty shocked that I have not lost any weight at all during all these chemo and radiation treatments. I don't have hardly any of the traditional side effects. Just weird to me... Maybe I'm different somehow?