C.A.R.E. - 8 September 2026

 Focus for Today: 

The words from the C.A.R.E. model are: EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

 E. - Emotional Awareness: September 8, 2026

Gratitude for the ability to be able to reflect and center

The opportunity to make good or harmful decisions are evident every minute of every day. I received a note from another patient I was in rehab with that said; 

"Think about this every day!

Is it smart? 

Is it safe?" 

Those are great words to live by, and much effort goes into that simple maxim if you truly intend to live that way. 

 In that vein of thought, I think emotional awareness is about (for me) understanding my limitations with my addiction. Life is hard right now and it makes it even more challenging not to want to drink. That was my go-to for dealing with pretty much anything. In order to not relapse in a way that ruins what I have left; I am working on this daily writing, working out and recovery. 

Recovery is multi-faceted but ongoing. 

I want to write more but I have time constraints, and I honestly just need to be about it and not write about it. But I will continue to write and read good, honest content where I consume information. I just want to be a better person. 

As this evolves, I want to write what the words from Recovery Dharma mean to me. 

This is ultimately about the path to recovery and right living so the path has 3 groups:

The Wisdom Group

Wise Understanding and Wise Intention

Wise Understanding is where I think I can spend a lot of time and apply many words in the model. Not sure I will do that, but it is an option. 

Having a better understanding of not just alcohol triggers but life and emotional control triggers. Being cool for lack of a better word. Taking deep breaths, writing, jotting down notes. 

Think through as many options as I can to deal with issues that normally send my mind spiraling. Cement this intent to use what I have been given to the best most efficient ends for mental clarity as possibilities. What have I been given to help? This...I write and it does help just to empty my mind and give myself a focus to keep at the top of my mind. 

If it is not smart and not safe then I won't do it unless there is no alternative. 

SHARING: Insight on what is wrong with America and the World in General

 https://cbwrong.blogspot.com/2026/09/im-73-years-old-and-ive-lived-long.html?m=1

https://cbwrong.blogspot.com/2026/09/im-73-years-old-and-ive-lived-long.html?m=1

Almost every word in this article is exactly how I have felt for the last 5 years or so. No one cares. This man articulated everything. 

Read this and then look at what you are doing with C.A.R.E. and just keep doing it. 

 

C.A.R.E. - 7 September 2026

 Focus for today: 

The word out of the C.A.R.E. model is ... RESOLVE

R. - Resolve: September 7 ,2026

Gratitude for blessings I have in my life. 

Every day I want to work on improvement so I can be present in my families life in a way that is positive every day. So I choose RESOLVE today because that is how I feel. 

I read a story on bluesky today that made me cry. I hope this is a false story for once because it is really heartbreaking. I don't even want to repeat anything in the detail here because I am using this to write about what I want my day to look like. I made the mistake of looking at my phone before writing today.

In any event, I resolve to work everyday to sharpening my mind and body to be able to have the intellectual and moral courage to do the right thing. Sobriety is always top of mind today, just because of all the damage I have inflicted by abusing alcohol. 

Resolve is appropriate every day, as are many of these words. The real issue is will I execute and make the right decisions? I intend on it. 

I also believe that thoughts held deeply and thought on and vocalized ended up coming true. I have seen it several times in my own life. I ultimately got most of what I really wanted in life. I just mishandled the blessing if you will. 

RESOLVE to be true in everything you do!!

C. A. R. E. - 2 September 2026

 Focus for today: 

The word out of the C.A.R.E. model is ...RESPONSIBILITY    

 R. - Responsibility: September 2, 2026

Gratitude for second, third and fourth chances. 

Each of these words carry a weight of their own. This is why I want to use these focus words in the C.A.R.E. list as guidepost. Responsibility is a heavy word in that it ends up being the whole of life in some respects. Our individual responsibility is to take whatever we have learned and apply it daily. This application takes the form of wherever you are in your life. Daily reflections like what I am doing by writing down these focus areas. All part of whatever responsibilities you have. My duties and obligations. 

I have chosen specific paths in life, and I have to honor those choices. I have never truly honored my choices. The part that is so hard, but necessary is that I can sit here and pontificate in writing, all these essential things I should be doing but I have failed to execute. Not all the time. I think we act in a positive way more times than not, but it is the setting of the intention to do so at all times that is difficult. I want to fulfill my responsibilities involuntarily; like breathing. I have the knowledge, skill and ability, so just act accordingly. With C.A.R.E. 

C. A. R. E. - 28 August 2026

 Focus for today: 

The word out of the C.A.R.E. model is ...EQUANIMITY

 E. - Equanimity: August 28, 2026

Gratitude is always here but I plan to type the word out every time I post something. 

I never heard of equanimity in the context of human action. My vocabulary just did not extend to this word, but I have found it to be a word full of meaning for recovery. In this daily exercise the purpose is to give me a foundation for working through my recovery to resist craving alcohol, but also how to set and structure my life. 

Equanimity is a key almost crucial ingredient. Equanimity is one component of living with "Wise Intention". The focus here is conduct yourself in a way that cultivates a lack of self centeredness. Be generous, don't focus on yourself. Clearly there are issues you have to address everyday but in interaction with others the focus needs to be gracious. Be patient. 

Equanimity is a heart practice of Buddhism. I have to make a conscious effort to make sure that my daily intentions are pure. Not that I let the world take advantage of me, but that I look for ways to treat others well, knowing that will return to me in a favorable way eventually. 

Many old adages apply here but I think one that is central is that you reap what you sow. If you plan discord, then discord will grow. If you intentionally look to plant love, respect and determination to be fair, then karma will reward you. 

I'm writing this to someday translate into a book, so I won't always get my points out as coherent as I'd like. My plan is to have these daily writings make of the crux of the book.

Another use could be, if anyone reads this, is to have a community of people who want to try this C.A.R.E model and we all write about its impact and share insights and help each other be better. 

Stay off traditional social media for a change and collaborate on something healthier and sustainable. 

I think I read somewhere once...

 I couldn't think of anything to write as a headline or anything. In my lifetime; I don't recall shit around the world everywhere just looking so bleak. It is a dichotomy though! (i actually got to use that word in something i am writing and it fits)

Afghanistan; where the hell to start with that one? I was listening to NPR the other day and the person on the call or interview suggested the US involvement in Afghanistan pre-dated the Soviet Invasion? I need to validate or at least run down some of the assumptions he made but I do know the US has been directly involved since at least before the Soviets invaded. Not sure in what capacity though and it changes nothing about my feelings on the current situation. 

Could not have chosen a worst course of action to leave the country. Horrific and sickening to watch this end this way. There is so much to unpack, study, digest, internalize and then make fundamental change to how we conduct foreign policy. I could add a video here of the C-17 plane or the bombing in Kabul the other day but I just won't keep adding to the insanity. We need to change or this is the beginning of the end for America. Something about the 21st century and that is...everything is sped up. Technology and the way we use it have sped up every cycle you can think. The news cycle has been on hyperdrive for over a decade now and that means situations like this can be absorbed and forgotten, when we need to pause and really capture what the fuck happened and institute change. 

This morning for instance on the drivel they call news; NBC4 in Washington DC decides that Sunday morning at 6am is the time to show the photos of the Marines that died. Sadistic mothafucka's. We have not even fully withdrawn from the place; the bodies have not been properly laid to rest, and now at the very beginning of our morning these retarded ratings hounds disrespect these men and women. I don't need to see their photos to understand the sacrifice they made. This is the sick shit we have to deal with. Then NBC4 justed move on the next segment; talking about whatever the fuck came up next. 

Had to get that shit off my chest. This is fucking therapy for me at this moment. I wish I could walk around like other people (don't want to put a % because i have no idea what other people think) I have observed who just seemingly don't give a fuck. Maybe everyone is doing what I am doing and writing all this down to get it out of their system. When you think about it; that is what twitter and all those apps let people do. Get shit out; express themselves. There are downsides to those apps and websites for sure. Humans always seem to figure out a way to fuck shit up and make it creepy and shady but...expression can help for most of us. 

Capture 1

Keeping this separate from the rest of the shit I write down. 

Decided to start jotting down shit as it come to me.

Calling my mother later; have a nephew fresh from jail. Have to just force myself into these folks lives. Men in my family are men. We don't talk and we need to. 

21 July 2021

Starting a couple of books

Doing Justice...Preet Bharara #crime and Keise Laymon (I will get back on the title) 

Meanwhile enjoy thishttps://music.amazon.com/albums/B003KYKY3Q?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&trackAsin=B003KYKYFE

This is like the modern day Hard Times from Run DMC 

https://music.amazon.com/albums/B01ACSXBJQ?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&trackAsin=B01ACSXIWG

Sam Cooke saved, so I can come back to this

David Baldacci gotta read one of his every time i fly more than two hours from now on. Perfect stuff to be on a plane with. 

Had to run and catch the commuter train this morning. I can run with neuropathy and i need to do it. Prove it can be done. Document this shit. Emergence. Cancer, personal addiction and just every day! 

Damn. Take pictures and just start with some basics for 30 days. 

So many things in our lives will change if you do this. 30 day check!

Medical Equipment for the Under Served

During a recent visit to see my Ostomy nurse. I found out some information that has spurred an idea in my mind to set up a non-profit organization to assist the under insured. I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colo-rectal cancer in Aug 2019. I have subsequently under gone chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery. After surgery; I've worn an illeostomy bag for the last 10 weeks. I am fortunate that my ostomy will be reversed; so, I will not need to order supplies long term. If this were not the case and my ostomy was permanent; I am equally fortunate to have insurance (military retiree) that would cover almost all cost associated with said equipment and or supplies. 
My concern going forward are those people who have to face life with a bowel diversion without the resources to adequately supply or care for themselves. I recently found out about two volunteers that work out of a hospital near my home that operate a free Ostomy/Medical supply closet. The cancer center at this hospital allows the volunteers to use excess office space to store donated supplies. Once a week the volunteers are available for anyone to walk-in and obtain whatever supplies are available. This is currently the only location I'm aware that offers this type of service. The volunteers that helped me the other day told there is another hospital north of where I live that would like to set up a similar ability to help the under insured in their area. 
I plan to work with the two volunteers I met to assist them with 1) spreading the word; and 2) organization and communication via the internet, and social media to more effectively advertise for the types of supplies that are sorely needed. After my surgery I knew I wanted to do something to help others and this effort looks like a great way to grow a desperately needed service in this and other communities in the state of Virginia. 

Life Journey: Flipping the Page

 This time last year I was returning from Australia. I knew something was wrong with me and I was hoping it wasn't cancer but in my heart I knew it was. My father had cancer; fought it 8 years and ultimately passed. I had symptoms that I was stubbornly ignoring. I was not in a good place mentally, spiritually or physically. I had let myself be dominated by alcohol and tobacco. Deluding myself that I was functional (sometimes highly so) and I just kept justifying bad habits. 

I'm fortunate to be here and determined to get the most out of the rest of my time however long that is.

I know exactly what I need to do and it all about just doing it. 

Everyday; something positive. Everyday accomplish something. Setting goals. Re-establishing my personal mission statement for how I conduct my life. Nothing sappy; just hard work. Time to get it. 

Life Milestones; Death; Cancer

My grandmother passed away Saturday April 11, 1920...

I left Kansas City in Oct 1987 and never moved back...the fact that our family Matriarch is gone is a big deal! 4332 Benton Blvd, KCMO. The address! No other address matters in that city. That was our temple. Family temple. Everything started and happened at that house. I'm fifty one and will in a couple of weeks will have colorectal surgery. My grandmother had breast cancer as a black woman in the 1960's double mastectomy and lived to 92/93 years (not sure of birth date). I don't know where to begin with Mary Virginia Stone; so I won't try. She is my grandmother and is now passed on to the next life; whatever that might be.

Musings: COVID, Cancer, Life

Avoiding the news and teleworking. Fortunately I have a job that can actually be done for the most part from home. This is actually a good test case for proving to skeptics that many professional folks working in Government specifically; can work from home and be productive. I know many will take advantage of this and be not productive but that is not an indictment on everyone. There are just as many people who avoid work while on the job so telework won't upset that existing dynamic IMO.
Since I'm inside of 20 days till surgery I have to double down on getting mentally and physically ready for this surgery. This is the worst time in my life to have to get this procedure done. I am pretty sure I have wrote those words already in a previous post.
Anyway...

I have much more time to explore information available to people to assist with becoming more productive; more spiritual; more educated, etc. I'm going to post some video's I've been watching. I don't agree with everything stated by these folks but it is still worth sharing. I find that you can't dismiss everything a certain person has a strong opinion on. There is a lot of good in people in general; even if they have specific personal prejudices. I know it can be dangerous to espouse; lets say anti-gay agendas and it can be extremely unfair to teach these kinds of ideologies to youth. Having said that...there are other positives life skills that can be gleaned if you sift through the personal biases of some folks. Anyway judge for yourself if you run across this blog. I am saving this ultimately for myself; to maybe one day consolidate all this in a book or something. We shall see how this evolves.

Even though I have slipped in my promise to not drink; I have learned a valuable lesson. There really isn't anything good coming from drinking alcohol. At least for me. Do what you feel but I will and should be able to document all the good I can do without alcohol in my life for the next 12-14 weeks. Looking forward myself to what I am able to accomplish. I have several personal and job related projects I have to complete in that timeframe and I plan to chart progress here and then revisit later to see how I did after no alcohol at all is in my system.

Radiation Complete

I'll post a picture of the certificate one of these days. It'll be easier than buying a frame and hanging it on my wall in the house and it will live forever in the ether that is the interweb. Now 20 Feb 20 or 20/02/2020...19 days sober. Still reading from the scrolls. Although radiation is over; I still have this neuropathy in my hands and feet. Sucks but bearable. I'm going to try and just get through it because I want to limit how much medication I'm taking between now and my surgery.
Not much to say...just wanted to get something in.

16 February 2020 Daily or Weekly or Monthly

After such a long absence and inability to stick to a schedule; i feel pretty good that I'm on here two days in a row. Like I mentioned yesterday; I'm starting the reading of the scrolls as prescribed in the OG Mandino book, The Greatest Salesman in the World. I read it 25+ years ago when my brother first gave me the paperback book but never in the manner it is intended to be read. I already know it is showing dividends. Matter of fact; I will be reading the lst scroll again for the mid-day after I post this. I don't have much to say right now. I don't believe I always need to have much to say. This is about routine and positive progress for me. Still no alcohol. Last night I really wanted to drink some wine. It would be simple to cheat...there is a 7-eleven two miles from my house. They sell small cartons and if I really wanted to; I could make any excuse to leave and buy a carton and drink. Done it many times over the last ten years. What is keeping me from doing it again? l don't really know. It is a combination of things. First is this blog! Very important to be honest with myself right now and have something to do that is affirming my life path forward.
On to other things. I am always on the search for nutritious foods now. I will be trying Baobab fruit. Based on what I read yesterday; the fruit is broken down to a powder and is packed with all sorts of anti-oxidants and other stuff that is supposed to be really good for you. It's also from Africa and right now I feel that since that is my ancestral heritage, I should be focusing on consuming foods and nutrients from that continent. The Rooibos herb drink that has been so good for me these last 8 months is from Africa. Once I get this Baobab powder into my daily routine; I'll post what I'm feeling and how it is affecting me. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/306445#diet
First 24 hours of uninstalling Twitter. So much more relaxed. One less mind sucking app to interrupt my forward progress. After I'm done with this radiation treatment and start to focus on the next step which is surgery. I will start working out again and will post stuff about my routine that will last from February 20, 2020 until my surgery that will be about the middle of May 2020 or thereabouts. I really want to lose weight. I am generally pretty shocked that I have not lost any weight at all during all these chemo and radiation treatments. I don't have hardly any of the traditional side effects. Just weird to me... Maybe I'm different somehow?