I think I read somewhere once...

 I couldn't think of anything to write as a headline or anything. In my lifetime; I don't recall shit around the world everywhere just looking so bleak. It is a dichotomy though! (i actually got to use that word in something i am writing and it fits)

Afghanistan; where the hell to start with that one? I was listening to NPR the other day and the person on the call or interview suggested the US involvement in Afghanistan pre-dated the Soviet Invasion? I need to validate or at least run down some of the assumptions he made but I do know the US has been directly involved since at least before the Soviets invaded. Not sure in what capacity though and it changes nothing about my feelings on the current situation. 

Could not have chosen a worst course of action to leave the country. Horrific and sickening to watch this end this way. There is so much to unpack, study, digest, internalize and then make fundamental change to how we conduct foreign policy. I could add a video here of the C-17 plane or the bombing in Kabul the other day but I just won't keep adding to the insanity. We need to change or this is the beginning of the end for America. Something about the 21st century and that is...everything is sped up. Technology and the way we use it have sped up every cycle you can think. The news cycle has been on hyperdrive for over a decade now and that means situations like this can be absorbed and forgotten, when we need to pause and really capture what the fuck happened and institute change. 

This morning for instance on the drivel they call news; NBC4 in Washington DC decides that Sunday morning at 6am is the time to show the photos of the Marines that died. Sadistic mothafucka's. We have not even fully withdrawn from the place; the bodies have not been properly laid to rest, and now at the very beginning of our morning these retarded ratings hounds disrespect these men and women. I don't need to see their photos to understand the sacrifice they made. This is the sick shit we have to deal with. Then NBC4 justed move on the next segment; talking about whatever the fuck came up next. 

Had to get that shit off my chest. This is fucking therapy for me at this moment. I wish I could walk around like other people (don't want to put a % because i have no idea what other people think) I have observed who just seemingly don't give a fuck. Maybe everyone is doing what I am doing and writing all this down to get it out of their system. When you think about it; that is what twitter and all those apps let people do. Get shit out; express themselves. There are downsides to those apps and websites for sure. Humans always seem to figure out a way to fuck shit up and make it creepy and shady but...expression can help for most of us. 

The Journey

In Quarantine with time to think...I wrote earlier about me taking stock of myself for the next 4-6 months. Part of me taking stock will be to read and write. What do I mean by that? I will read a little from a handful of books I have started but not finished and then write a little on this blog/journal to make sure I capture what I think I read and then use that information to inform my self assessment and guide me to where I want to be. Maybe it is writing in and of itself. Don't know if it will take the form of a book but I could take advantage of all the tools available and self-publish. That is a thought. Would definitely have to be non-fiction with my evaluation of what I've experienced in life
and the types of things I care about.

Books on the docket:
- SEPARATE - Steve Luxenberg; Story of Plessy v Ferguson and America's Journey from Slavery to Segregation
- POLITICAL ORDER AND POLITICAL DECAY - Francis Fukuyama; From the Industrial Revolution to Globalization of Democracy
- THE PORTABLE ENLIGHTENMENT READER - Edited by Isaac Kramnick
- THE ORIGINS OF TOTALITARIANISM - Hannah Arendt

Need to note which book and chapter/paragraph I'm referencing each time so there is some order to all this.

I watched a TED talk today given by a Shaolin Monk. He said (paraphrasing) that if you never start you will never finish your climb. If you only talk to others about the climb or journey you want to take that the others have finished; you will never experience the uniqueness of that climb vicariously because it is not 'your' climb up the mountain. What others see at the peak of their achievement can never be appreciated by someone else or better yet experienced by someone else via a story or interview. You must make the climb and experience the view from the peak or however high you make it up the mountain to understand what it means to you.

I will add books to this list as I go. I have some books from college that I want to explore. I wish I had some of my old text books now; especially from my Critical Thinking class. That class shaped me at the time because I had never self assessed my own thought process. I am and continue to be somewhat ADHD. NOTE: mention this to the doctor after surgery to see if you can get meds. I need assistance with focus.

I know I could really get so much more done if I had the opportunity to really focus without my mind wandering. If that means medicating then so be it. You only live once in this portion of the multi-verse at least so if I can get some adderall I want that edge to produce what I care about.