I think I read somewhere once...

 I couldn't think of anything to write as a headline or anything. In my lifetime; I don't recall shit around the world everywhere just looking so bleak. It is a dichotomy though! (i actually got to use that word in something i am writing and it fits)

Afghanistan; where the hell to start with that one? I was listening to NPR the other day and the person on the call or interview suggested the US involvement in Afghanistan pre-dated the Soviet Invasion? I need to validate or at least run down some of the assumptions he made but I do know the US has been directly involved since at least before the Soviets invaded. Not sure in what capacity though and it changes nothing about my feelings on the current situation. 

Could not have chosen a worst course of action to leave the country. Horrific and sickening to watch this end this way. There is so much to unpack, study, digest, internalize and then make fundamental change to how we conduct foreign policy. I could add a video here of the C-17 plane or the bombing in Kabul the other day but I just won't keep adding to the insanity. We need to change or this is the beginning of the end for America. Something about the 21st century and that is...everything is sped up. Technology and the way we use it have sped up every cycle you can think. The news cycle has been on hyperdrive for over a decade now and that means situations like this can be absorbed and forgotten, when we need to pause and really capture what the fuck happened and institute change. 

This morning for instance on the drivel they call news; NBC4 in Washington DC decides that Sunday morning at 6am is the time to show the photos of the Marines that died. Sadistic mothafucka's. We have not even fully withdrawn from the place; the bodies have not been properly laid to rest, and now at the very beginning of our morning these retarded ratings hounds disrespect these men and women. I don't need to see their photos to understand the sacrifice they made. This is the sick shit we have to deal with. Then NBC4 justed move on the next segment; talking about whatever the fuck came up next. 

Had to get that shit off my chest. This is fucking therapy for me at this moment. I wish I could walk around like other people (don't want to put a % because i have no idea what other people think) I have observed who just seemingly don't give a fuck. Maybe everyone is doing what I am doing and writing all this down to get it out of their system. When you think about it; that is what twitter and all those apps let people do. Get shit out; express themselves. There are downsides to those apps and websites for sure. Humans always seem to figure out a way to fuck shit up and make it creepy and shady but...expression can help for most of us. 

AWAKENING

PONDER

It occured to me somehow that the technology associated with the Apple Mouse would be interesting to know and share. How did they pull the ability for the mouse; without a distinctive dividing line know if I am left clicking or right clicking? Interested to know...

EPIPHANY

We are here to influence forward!

Everything we do impacts future events; small or large. Every movement and thought put into practice or action has influence in ways we cannot accurately calculate. Think about that concept. DEEPLY 

Capture 1

Keeping this separate from the rest of the shit I write down. 

Decided to start jotting down shit as it come to me.

Calling my mother later; have a nephew fresh from jail. Have to just force myself into these folks lives. Men in my family are men. We don't talk and we need to. 

21 July 2021

Starting a couple of books

Doing Justice...Preet Bharara #crime and Keise Laymon (I will get back on the title) 

Meanwhile enjoy thishttps://music.amazon.com/albums/B003KYKY3Q?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&trackAsin=B003KYKYFE

This is like the modern day Hard Times from Run DMC 

https://music.amazon.com/albums/B01ACSXBJQ?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&trackAsin=B01ACSXIWG

Sam Cooke saved, so I can come back to this

David Baldacci gotta read one of his every time i fly more than two hours from now on. Perfect stuff to be on a plane with. 

Had to run and catch the commuter train this morning. I can run with neuropathy and i need to do it. Prove it can be done. Document this shit. Emergence. Cancer, personal addiction and just every day! 

Damn. Take pictures and just start with some basics for 30 days. 

So many things in our lives will change if you do this. 30 day check!

ls there ever actually a "New" year?

 2021...30 years ago i actually never thought humanity would make it this far!

Time seems to be something of a continuum interrupted by human invention increments like years, months, days...etc. 

We are in our eternity at all times! 

The Next Chapter

 As always I am nothing if not inconsistent. I always intended for this space to be a journal of sorts. But true to my nature; not so much! There is a lot to unpack in 2020. I had COVID...got past the initial issues and have tested negative. I need to do some research and figure what this actually means. My symptoms were essentially traditional flu-like; however, as I know...many people around the world adopt severe complications and die. 

I was fortunate!

It is about two weeks till 2021

I generally know what I want the new year to look like but then again; i have no idea what is coming. I have written down what I need to do on a personal level in this space and fully intend to complete everything I expressed. 

I now have a new reality in my life and I want this new reality to be more present in my everyday!

Things I intend and will do in the first 100 days of the new year:

- Finish requirements and schedule completion of my job related certification requirements

- Continue to physically get in better shape and reclaim what i let lapse and lost during cancer treatment

- Do morning breath work and meditation/prayer to start my day; everyday!

- Be less angry and just more focused

- Divest of all social media...no more twitter

- Drink alcohol only sporadically if at all; just a brain drain...don't need it

- Investigate acupuncture to deal with neuropathy

- Be there for &!^$@ (only I know what this means!)

Other things that are more frivolous but still serious to me:

- Win big in Draft Kings...obviously important to no one but me; but important nonetheless

- Find time to spend with &!^$@...will be difficult but is something we both need

- Write professionally

- Listen to more comedy and find comedians that I have never heard before

Medical Equipment for the Under Served

During a recent visit to see my Ostomy nurse. I found out some information that has spurred an idea in my mind to set up a non-profit organization to assist the under insured. I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colo-rectal cancer in Aug 2019. I have subsequently under gone chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery. After surgery; I've worn an illeostomy bag for the last 10 weeks. I am fortunate that my ostomy will be reversed; so, I will not need to order supplies long term. If this were not the case and my ostomy was permanent; I am equally fortunate to have insurance (military retiree) that would cover almost all cost associated with said equipment and or supplies. 
My concern going forward are those people who have to face life with a bowel diversion without the resources to adequately supply or care for themselves. I recently found out about two volunteers that work out of a hospital near my home that operate a free Ostomy/Medical supply closet. The cancer center at this hospital allows the volunteers to use excess office space to store donated supplies. Once a week the volunteers are available for anyone to walk-in and obtain whatever supplies are available. This is currently the only location I'm aware that offers this type of service. The volunteers that helped me the other day told there is another hospital north of where I live that would like to set up a similar ability to help the under insured in their area. 
I plan to work with the two volunteers I met to assist them with 1) spreading the word; and 2) organization and communication via the internet, and social media to more effectively advertise for the types of supplies that are sorely needed. After my surgery I knew I wanted to do something to help others and this effort looks like a great way to grow a desperately needed service in this and other communities in the state of Virginia. 

Life Journey: Flipping the Page

 This time last year I was returning from Australia. I knew something was wrong with me and I was hoping it wasn't cancer but in my heart I knew it was. My father had cancer; fought it 8 years and ultimately passed. I had symptoms that I was stubbornly ignoring. I was not in a good place mentally, spiritually or physically. I had let myself be dominated by alcohol and tobacco. Deluding myself that I was functional (sometimes highly so) and I just kept justifying bad habits. 

I'm fortunate to be here and determined to get the most out of the rest of my time however long that is.

I know exactly what I need to do and it all about just doing it. 

Everyday; something positive. Everyday accomplish something. Setting goals. Re-establishing my personal mission statement for how I conduct my life. Nothing sappy; just hard work. Time to get it.